My Breakdown

So, I've talked about the fact that I never seem to get to bed at a decent hour. So Thrusday wasn't very different. I was hanging out with some friends and of course i was driving. I was kinda sleepy and was thinking about calling it a night, but then somehow we decided we were going to hang out in a Waffle House all night. I didn't really want to, but I was kinda in a mood to hang out. i droped my friends Eryn and Christian off and when back to Southern to pick up someone that wanted to come. At 1:30 am all the Parking spaces that are close to my dorm are taken so I just parked close to the building in a place that wasn't a real parking space. I went to get my friend, Jack, and he took a little while to get ready (it might have been 15 minutes) and while he was gathering his stuff I cleaned my room up a little bit.

So he was then ready and we left, As I walked out the door I see this short stumpy woman doing something to my vehicle. I walked over and asked, "whats going on over here." I was getting a ticket. Even though there was no traffic and there was enough room for a car to get past I was obstructing traffic. I started off just stating those obvious facts. Also that I was temporarily paking there like 500 people do everyday. The conversation quickly became an angry arguement. I ripped the ticket up in the power hungry security guards presence just to illistrate how little power she really had. I got in my car and I drove away.

I was so angry or maybe not angry. This kind of unfairness always happens to me. Everyone and their brother could park there during the day with cars coming and going for over and hour if they wanted too. I park there at night with no cars moving and I get a ticket.

All that I could think about were all the horrible things I wanted to say to her like:

"thats fine you disgusting ugly fatass, you can give me a ticket, whatever make you feel better about you worthless life"

"Thats fine whatever make you feel better about your dry loose pussy, im sure this ticket will fill your fantasies"

"I'm glad you feel so powerful, and i hope you feel the same way when im making more money than you in a job i like doing, You, yes you bitch. you really should have gone to college and done something instead of wasting you life as a glorified metermaid with and ugly face and a fat ass"

Crude yes. Very crude. But at the time I would have said anything, but i didn't.

So I drove away and was almost fine. and then something hit me. I threw my car into park and laid on the horn. Then I started yelling it was the same yell loud and quick but over and over and over and over again. Then my entire body just flailed and punched and kicked. Then, I started yelling again and i ran out of the Cab of my truck. I threw myself on the ground and i just cried. I hadn't cried in at least a year. There isn't anything wrong with crying, but it's not a reaction I normally have. So I just cried and cried and cried.

The phrase inferiority complex has been applied before. Everything I don't do write came rushing in to haunt me. Every flaw I have came to mind, and I'm not really sure why.

I'm still feelin the effects. I had a really insecure weekend. Things don't seem to be getting better. I still feel like crushing that metermaid's head like an Fortune Cookie. That can't be healthy, and I'm not really sure how to get help.